emush

I have been so busy with uni work the last couple of months that I've completely overlooked my little blog posts about the Jeminator.

We've kept up the co-sleeping / bedsharing which has made a really big difference to the amount of sleep I've been getting. More sleep = happier mama. Jem is still waking a billion times a night and I can never tell why... is he teething? Is it habitual waking? Is it the chocolate that I am eating? Who knows?

I've kind of just resigned myself to him waking often and have stopped trying to analyse the situation, and to trying to figure out how to make it stop. It is a bit more relaxed this way. The only thing that is still a drag, which Jem has still kept up, is the frequent waking (as in, every forty minutes) immediately after we first put him down for the evening, 2-3 times after he first goes to sleep. It really is very puzzling.

It means that Brett and I can't sit and watch a movie, or to have a cup of tea together without being interrupted usually... and one of has to go in to resettle. The good thing is that Brett has become quite masterful at resettling Jem, which I am very grateful for, as it means that I get a break. It also means that I get to go out and leave the boys at home occasionally, and THAT has been really wonderful. Getting out. Hanging out with friends. Taking silly photos and uploading them to Facey. A bit of the old life back.

- So, at seven months, Jem was getting around by rolling around everywhere. He was still pretty reluctant at being left on the floor (he has never been a fan of tummy time). As you can see:



- He started to wave 'bye bye'.
- He started to give mama kisses. (This warms my heart so much)
- He started learning turn taking. So for example, I would splash in the bath and then say 'you do it', and then he would mimic. He doesn't always do this prompted, but I'm pretty sure that he understands the idea of 'your turn'.
- He made all sorts of sounds / consonants and at around this time, his favourite sound was "Va! Va! Va!" repeatedly, aaaallll day.
- He continued to enjoy solids and the booby
- He was waking 3-5 times a night (groan)
- He cut two teeth!
- He started blowing raspberries


At 8 months, Jem started to commando crawl very suddenly, while playing with Brett.


He stopped waving 'bye bye' when prompted. I can't figure out why! He just decided that he had moved on from that trick, and that he wasn't interested. Strange.

He thinks that power cords, my keys and the cats' water dishes are the most fascinating things, EVER. He has only been swiped at by Georgie (my obnoxious ginger kitty) once so far.

He turned 9 months on the 1st of May, and for the last week, he has started to pull up onto things. The only other thing is that I am trying to teach him baby sign. The signs that I repeat daily are the ones for 'milk', 'all done', 'more', 'bath time', 'sleepy time', 'come here', 'eat' and 'bye bye'. I have to remind myself to keep it up every day as it seems so silly sometimes, but I'm pretty committed to it as I know that it is beneficial and I have seen it in action with my friend Sarah's 12 month old girl - that kid is signing in sentences! I was very very impressed.

I think that's it so far in terms of interesting milestones. He's starting to communicate with me. He understands me when I tell him things. He responds. He laughs and laughs and laughs. He anticipates things (like when I begin to recite "This little piggie...", he starts to laugh). He cuddles. He helps himself to the boob while in bed, or when we're in the bath. He pulls off mid feed and smacks his lips together which he finds hilarious. Then I do it. Then he does it back. Sometimes I change the action, and I'll blow little puffs of air into his face instead. The change will amuse him, and then he'll do it back. Aaaaah, he's such a funny little fellow really.

So there you go. Life just continues to chug along. My little baby is getting bigger, and well on his way to being a little person. I continue to experience this sort of 'push pull' situation where I want the sleep deprived foggy period to pass, but at the same time don't want to miss / forget a moment of his babyhood. It is such a beautiful time, and he is SO beautiful right now.

I keep pouring over the millions of photos and clips that I took of him as a newborn and experience a yearning and nostalgia for that time. Those pictures are so precious to me right now, and so I continue to take a million clips and pictures of him every day, because I know that I will feel that way of the pictures that I take today, in 6 months from now. Or 10 years from now. Pictures are precious.

Well, we have the sleeping thing sorted. Thank goodness.

Jem's sleeping is still the same (waking several times at night), but because we're cosleeping now, *I* am not staying awake. I had seriously had it with hunching over his cot up to five times at night gently pat-pat-patting him to sleep. Now I just lift my top and pop him on. And sleep my little heart out. I think was reluctant to do this at first because I wasn't sure how I was going to get him out of this 'bad habit', but then I figured that we'd work that out when it became a problem for us and that right now, I just need some sleep. Yannow? Besides it is so lovely to snuggle up to him now. He's big enough and so Im much more comfortable with it. Also, despite his night wakings he has started sleeping in longer since we've been bedsharing - he's actually sleeping 12 hours now! And because of THAT, I think, his naps are getting longer. Yesterday he had an epic 2 1/2 hour nap which he has never done, in his cot at that! I waited on my bed next to him the whole time, expecting to have to rush to his side at the end of every sleep cycle to try and pat him back down because he's normally a catnapper.

Of course it could just be that he is getting older, and that time helps these things to resolve themselves. Who knows. There is light at the end of the tunnel though.

I had absolutely no resolve or commitment to try any sleep training / variation or version of controlled crying. And I'd just about had it with parenting / how to get your baby to sleep books. Bullshit. I can't believe how much money these 'baby whisperers' are making, seriously. Just fuck off.

He has started making all sorts of sounds this month... "Ma-ma-ma-ma!!", "Da-da-da-da-da!!", "Ba-ba-ba-ba!!" and my favourite, where he practices his sss's, "Disssss!". Oh it is damn gorgeous.

He also started sitting up earlier in the month (only one accident falling on his face).

He's also getting more enthused about solids. I've started making food for him and try to give him at least one cooked meal for the day (the rest of the time it's the organic bubs food squeezy things, or fruit like banana / apple / pumpkin etc). The last two days he's helped me eat my tuna and cheese toastie. Salty oily cheesy goodness (yes I know babies aren't meant to eat that stuff). So I think he might be ready to start finger foods now.

In other news, I go back to uni next week which I'm both dreading and looking forward to. Dreading because my life is about to get even more hectic with assignments and readings and other things that I need to now fit in between baby's naps. But looking forward to it because it'll be nice to think about things other than sleep, poo and... well, sleep. Haha.

Last night I was looking at Jem's newborn pictures and I was so moved. What an incredible, life changing experience. Wow... that newborn craziness is just awesome. Here's one of his first pictures:







And now: (Hello big eyes!)







And just because I love flooding LJ with baby clips:

Jem had his half birthday a couple of days ago (1st Feb), so I am really late with his five month update, but the last month has been a blur. The last month has had its ups and downs, with us trying to establish some sort of daily rhythm / routine, so that I can stop feeling like I'm flailing about. We have basically been trying a medley of interventions to get Jem to sleep for longer.

As much as I have tried to convince myself that Jem's sleeping (or lack thereof) doesn't matter, that his catnapping will resolve itself, that he will stop waking a million times a night - it doesn't get better and in fact, is getting worse. We seem to have gone backwards in his sleeping which is just weird and really, a bit of a drag.

I didn't realise just how crazed sleep deprivation could make me, and how undignified I feel in the middle of the night when it is the 8th time I've woken during the night and I have to wake Brett so that he can help me. Sigh. I just don't know what to do, and I see no end in sight and I feel that it is a waste of time to even try and sleep at night these days because it is more effort to do so, and it actually isnt restful. Thank goodness that I feel better by the time morning rolls around (as I manage to catch up on sleep by then) and things don't seem so dismal. And my baby is darn cute. Beautiful in fact.

But when-oh-when are you going to sleep for longer than 40 minutes at a time, little guy? When? Wheeeen? Mama is losing her mind.








On a more positive note, my baby is growing up, oh yes! He started eating solids a little while ago, and has enjoyed most things he has tried so far, which have been:

avocado
pumpkin
banana
zuchini
potato
mango

...and we're still on the fence about the baby oatmeal stuff. Although he hasn't had much of that.

I bought a little food processor and have started making his foods for him which will be fun! I'm still pureeing his foods as he's still such a little guy and the baby led weaning approach makes me a little nervous before 8 months or so. We'll see.

We started using his jolly jumper not long ago, which he loves and which also means that I get to DO STUFF LIKE WRITE THIS ENTRY! Go spare 5 minutes, go!



Finally, just to reassure my friends that are expecting / to be expecting soon, that this mum gig isn't all DOOM AND GLOOM (sorry if it seems like that, it really isn't!), I get to do fun stuff like this every day:



Bloody cute kid, don't you think? Anyway! Must go as it is nap time. Again. Wish me luck.

I'm a bit late with this post... My little Jem baby is just over four months. He changed quite rapidly at the four month mark, in ways that I can't completely recall. Things like...giggling, just... cracking up!



and, finding his feet:







I keep meaning to jot down each new thing that he does when he does it to keep a track of it all but I'm too busy being in the moment and tend to forget. I know that he has been playing with his feet a lot lately and has them in his mouth most of the time. He pulls my hair a lot. He fake coughs to get my attention. He rolls occasionally. He kicks and flaps his arms excitedly when I put him onto his tummy.

We've been going to Gymbaroo on Fridays. I'm not convinced that it maximises Jem's learning capabilities but it does get us out of the house and goofing around together. It certainly means that he spends more time on his tummy, something which I'm probably a little slack with.

After a brief foray into parenting books / forums regarding sleep, I put down the last book about parenting/sleep/blah blah and haven't bothered reading more about it. I had started to try and introduce a daytime sleep routine to Jem after hearing all about how much sleep babies should be getting during the day, but then he got sick and all we did for three days was to sleep and nurse together, which threw away any progress I'd made with having him sleep on cue. It was beautiful, and he was completely blissed out napping with his mama. I've partially kept up the napping with him partly because I love the snuggle time, and I get to have 40 mins (occasionally 2+ hours!) of quiet reading time while he sleeps / nurses. Sometimes I sleep with him. It makes him happy. And I want him to be happy. I want to make him happy.

Regardless of whether he sleeps with me or not, he is still mostly unable to resettle himself back to sleep after 30-45 mins for the day sleeps. Sooooo I usually help him back to sleep either by nursing him, or patting him. Sometimes he's in his cot for his naps, a lot of the time we're in bed together. Sometimes he will settle back to sleep with a bit of help, sometimes he doesn't. I don't care. Even well slept babies get tired at the end of the day. If he doesn't want to sleep, he doesn't want to sleep. It is so easy to get obsessed about it. Whatever.

I have a ridiculously happy baby. I don't care what other babies are doing. I don't care what babies 'ought' to be doing. Jem sleeps during the night, waking 2-3 (4 on a bad night) times a night, depending on what kind of day he has had, which is fine by me. He naps 3-4 times a day. Sometimes he just don't wanna sleep for longer than 30 mins, ya know whaddamean? Leave the kid alone!





I can't wait to see what the next few months bring. He is changing so rapidly, so beautifully... It makes me a little nostalgic for his newborn days ~I don't know why, but I miss those days~. It is such an intense, exciting and life changing time, there's something distinctly beautiful about that time that is all consuming while its happening but kinda sad when it's over.

He's so damn cute. I love, love, love him. <3

I'm having a glass of wine in bed as I write this. It feels so niiiiice having a cheeky glass of wine while Jem is asleep. I love our days together but there's really something about the hour or two that I am awake after he has gone down for his big sleep. Chocolate. Brain numbing FaceBook. Tea. The odd glass of wine. Maybe some overrated baby sleep book.

Speaking of which - I have decided to stop. reading. parenting books. Honestly. I am so tired of reading about how much sleep my baby should be getting, or how I should be putting him to sleep, or the terrible things that will happen if he doesn't sleep enough. And we've only really been 'sleep training' for the last two weeks. I started to 'get advice' from these books after I noticed how exhausted Jem was getting at the end of the day - my little red eyed, exhausted baby. I became concerned that my flexible, 'let him breastfeed to sleep, let him sleep whenever and wherever he wants' style was maybe doing him more harm than good. Once I started reading on the subject, I was alarmed that he wasn't getting the 'typical' 5 hour sleeps during the day. Jem was lucky if he was getting 4 x 30 minute cat naps a day.

I don't know what to do about it, really. When he doesn't sleep enough during the day, not only is he exhausted by the end of the day, it is also a lot harder to put him down for his big night sleep. He doesn't go down easily... they say sleep begets sleep, and I think that is true.

I've tried cosleeping, letting him sleep in the sling, letting him sleep on my lap, shush/patting him to sleep in his cot, taking walks in the pram, putting him down for naps at the same times every day, going for drives in the car and ~nothing~ makes him sleep reliably for longer than 30 or 40 mins at a time. On the odd occasion he will surprise me and sleep for an hour or 90 mins, but not often, and not without some help from me to transition to the next sleep cycle.

Oh well.

Today he had 3 x 40 min naps throughout the day and was exhausted by 7pm. Exhausted, red-eyed and cranky. I put him to sleep, he woke up 30 mins later... I put him to sleep again, he stirred again 30 mins later. And finally, at 8:30-9pm, I think he has gone down properly for his big night time sleep. I think this glass of wine is well deserved.

I haven't tried controlled crying and I won't. He has cried a couple of times when I've shushed/patted him back to sleep in his cot and that alone makes me feel awful. I just don't think it's necessary, and I stop trying once his crying goes beyond fussing.

So what should I do? Keep putting him down at the same times every day, in the same spot every day (ie, his cot) and just wait until he works out how to resettle himself? I think I'll just leave him alone, provide the right, cozy environment for him to fall asleep in, provide this environment at the right times of the day, and be there to assist when he comes out of his cycles. Hopefully, eventually, he will work out how to transition himself.

Meanwhile, some milestones -

Remember how Jem first rolled at 9 weeks? Well, that was front to back... and here's a clip of that (actually I think this clip was closer to 10 weeks):


Strangely, he stopped doing that after week ten, after doing it repeatedly during tummy time. I guess he decided that tummy time wasn't so bad after all.

Then, he started rolling from back to front at 13 weeks.
And this week, he has started showing signs of teething. Big time. I hear that we have some fun times waiting for us just around the corner.

I'll try not to stress too much about the sleep thing. I am only stressing because I want to be a good mama, and I want to take the best care of my baby and to make him happy. I think he is happy, if a bit sleepy sometimes.

Jem is ten weeks already!








Right now he is awake in his rocker, staring intently at his bee socks. Last week and this week he has discovered his limbs, and his movements are much more controlled and intentional.

A few highlights:

- Last week, Jem rolled over five times while doing tummy time! I thought the first couple of times were a fluke, but then he demonstrated it to his dad ~three times in a row~.
- He has started giggling and it is the most hilarious and adorable thing I've ever seen. I love making him laugh.
- His sleeping is pretty regular and predictable now. We sleep at about 8pm, wake at about 12-1am, and then wake two more times during the night between 1am and 8am. I'm getting plenty of rest, so that's great.

I think that I have a very calm, and easygoing baby. I'm very lucky, and I know it! Jem and I have settled into a rhythm, and have become very good pals. He adores me, and I must say that it's pretty cool being his number 1. When we have guests, or when he's in another person's arms, he tracks me around the room, and never stops looking for me. I'm the love of his life, and he's the love of mine. Corny I know, but it is what it is.

I feel so content at the moment, and so rested and so happy. I feel like giving myself of 10 weeks ago a pep talk, and telling that exhausted, melancholy and confused mother that things are going to get better, and not to worry. That things are going to get better than better. Things are going to be wonderful.

I never would have expected motherhood to be so much fun, and that I would be happy staying at home being motherly and wifey, but there you go. Whenever you think of something unlikely, remember that I am loving being a stay at home mother, and rest assured that ~anything is possible~.

Here is a short clip of Jem giggling at a bottle of vitamins being shaken at him. Hysterical, right? He thinks so.

Here is a photo of Jem and I, a minute or so after he was born. The last few weeks have been overwhelming and hard, and have been a real test of endurance. Don't get me wrong - this being a mummy thing is good fun, and I am completely enchanted and besotted with my little Jem, but the nights have been long and hard. I complained not long ago about parents perversely scaring me about the sleepless nights etc ("Ooohhh you have no idea what is ahead! Haaar haaar haaar!") while I was pregnant, and it really annoyed me at the time... but it is true. It can be a real drag. Luckily you take the first nap of the day and then feel refreshed - with rest comes perspective, and then you feel a whole lot better about things.

Jem's birth was not easy and ended in a cesarean, which was disappointing in a way, but a huge relief as well. I must admit that it was very convenient being wheeled into a theatre and then having a baby in my arms half an hour later! RPA were wonderful in sticking to my birth plan despite the surgery - we had skin to skin contact immediately after he was born, and he had his first breast feed about 20 minutes later while I was in recovery (the midwives brought him to me and left him with me until I was wheeled into the postnatal ward. It was wonderful.). So yes, I will write about that in more detail when I have the time.... basically, the short version is that my waters broke prematurely, I then labored for about 14 hours, Jem was posterior so it was a horrible back labour, his head didn't engage, my blood pressure got dangerously high toward the end and then I developed a fever! So out he came in an emergency c-section. I breathed a huge sigh of relief when they placed him onto me and couldn't believe the high I was feeling. It was just ~awesome~. It was SO awesome, that I look forward to the next birth. I really mean it - it was awesome, and I loved the whole experience. I want to have another go at it! Crazy, huh?

Since we've been at home, we have had mostly good nights getting about 5-6 hours sleep (sometimes less....) with a nap during the day. We've ventured out a couple of times, to the shops, out for walks, but not too far. Breastfeeding was surprisingly haaaarrrrrdd to begin with, but I feel like we've got the hang of it now... Jem is gaining weight which is awesome, and we have plenty of wet nappies during the day, so I know that he's getting enough.

So yes, the breastfeeding was a bit of a shock... and so was the baby blues! That part was not fun at all. After birth, your hormones start returning back to normal and you lose the 'happy hormones' of pregnancy... you come crashing down, and sleep deprivation doesn't help one bit. I found myself getting teary on night 3 when my milk still hadn't come in and Jem was clearly starting to get hunger pangs, and wasn't sleeping. I started crying my little heart out at 5am when we still hadn't slept, and asked Brett to hold him for a while, while I pulled myself together. I had a few more nights / mornings of that in the first couple of weeks - but things have started returning back to normal, I think. I feel a whole lot better... even when we're having a rough night. I think we're starting to come out of the darkness.

I still can't believe I'm a mother. It's quite an important role! Somebody's mother. Jem's mother. I feel so proud that he's my boy. He is so beautiful, and so perfect to me. I love gazing at him, playing with his little feet. I even find his hysterical crying during our middle of the night nappy changes cute.

Anyway, so far, I think we're doing well. The last few weeks have been like stepping out onto a new planet for me, and I've found it difficult to cope at times, but I know that the first few weeks are rough, and I know that it gets easier. It already is. The last few days I've been trying to focus on his beauty and holding him tight and close. I don't want to miss his newborn gorgeousness - I know how quickly it passes.

My name is Emush, and I am a poopy face.

ps. I love Charla the MOST. even more than my cats.....

dear LJ,

today i wrote my little butt off and produced 5000 words of gibberish for my practice, theory development course.

one more research proposal and then i can return to the land of facebook.

x